Being a living sacrifice

I have a control issue. I like being in control. I want to be in control. I get stressed when I'm not in control. Giving up control is something that I struggle with on a daily basis.

I was thinking about how little control I have when the Spirit reminded me of Romans 12:1 today."Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship."

At first I wondered what that verse had to do with control. And then I realized it had everything to do with control.

We are called to offer ourselves, our bodies as a living sacrifice. It's interesting, because unlike the sacrifices in the old testament, we're still alive and kicking.

And the problem with a sacrifice that's still alive is that it can get up and walk off the altar.

Surrender is HARD. It's intentionally giving up control and putting myself at the mercy of someone else.

Ironically, it takes just as much, if not more control to maintain a posture of surrender.

That's the position I find myself in daily. Every moment of each day, I find myself inching off the altar.

"I'll just take this decision back."

"I'll handle this relationship myself."

"I know better."

It's amazing how quickly I want to reclaim what I had surrendered only hours earlier: my sense of control. But precisely in doing that is when I lose control.

I've failed a lot, and I keep failing a lot. But I'm starting to learn that surrender isn't a one-time action. It's not about never crawling off the altar either. I think it's about noticing when I have gotten off and getting back on it.

It's my hope that one day, I'll have sufficient self-control to keep myself on the altar. To keep surrendering, trusting and to say, "Not my will, but Yours be done."