I completely skipped the problem

My coach assigned me some work this week. I had to come up with a list of at least five problem-solution pairs. It was simple enough, except it wasn't.

Upon reflection, I noticed something about myself that I didn't like. I'd be writing down the problem, and before I really thought about it, I'd already be writing the solution.

It wasn't a conscious decision to do so; it seems like my brain just wanted to move on. In fact, even before I finished writing down the problem, my brain was already thinking about possible solutions. After catching myself doing it over and over again, I started wondering if this was about more than just a coaching exercise.

I wondered if this is my default setting when it comes to problems. Perhaps there's something about problems that are really uncomfortable for me. The moment one appears, I want to make it disappear. The sooner the better. I'm so solution-oriented that I spend as little time as possible pondering the problem and as much time as possible trying to solve it.

It reminds me of what I have to intentionally do in my relationships. To not automatically start offering advice when a friend comes to me with a problem. To not dish out suggestions when my husband tells me about a concern he had during his workday. To not rush to fix my children's problems when they come home upset about something that happened at school.

Because although solving problems sounds like a good thing on the surface, I think understanding is far more valuable and appreciated.

How often do I stop long enough to truly understand what's going on? How often do I ask clarifying questions before offering an answer or a solution? How often do I simply listen before offering my input?

How often am I trying to fix something because it'll be faster, rather than empowering the person to fix it themselves?

I don't know if that's what my coach was trying to have me learn. But I've definitely noticed that I very quickly abandon the problem in favor of the solution.

I've gone through a lot of training to learn how to slow down, listen more, ask more (and better) questions, and to seek to better understand. But this exercise tells me that I still have a long way to go.

Now to go back to thinking about problems. And to sit with the problems. And ask myself more questions until I understand the problems. Because it's only when I TRULY understand the problem that I can solve it well.