The way I'm making a difference

I've had a long two months away; away from the pressure of doing anything work-related, away from productivity, away from creating because I felt a need to produce something.

Instead, I've take the time to do things that I haven't allowed myself to do for the longest time because they were of 'no value'.

I've been watching Netflix.

I've been reading.

I took some art lessons.

I took a creative course on writing.

In a nutshell, I added a whole lot of things to my 'plate'.

While it allowed me to try and experiment all sorts of different things, and helped me discover what I enjoy vs what I don't, my schedule has gotten full.

And so in the past week, I've felt the need to start cutting down on things.

But I've been very hesitant to do so.

The things that filled me with dread, those were easy enough to cull.

But the things that I was ambivalent about, these are harder to eliminate.

Particularly things that are half-done, or things that I've barely started.

An example: I signed up for a graduate diploma program at a local high institute of learning at the end of last year.

It was one of my efforts to 'going back to school' to pursue an area of study that I'm interested in, rather than something the world and my parents expects me to.

I was excited to begin.

A few days ago, I received all my coursework and assignment outlines, together with the requirements for the course.

I skimmed through all the material and was, to my surprise, filled with annoyance and frustration.

The course was definitely an area that I'm interested in studying.

It was the strictness of the format of deliverables that annoyed me.

Assignments had to be a certain number of words, typed in a certain font, with definitive margins, and referenced a certain way.

While there is nothing wrong with the institution expecting the assignments to be delivered in a structured format, the well-defined borders annoyed me.

I felt that I was past the stage at which these restrictions/instructions applied.

I understood the nature of the assignments and deliverables - they were necessary to determine my understanding and comprehension of the topic matter that we were studying.

But to assign weightage and grade based on whether or not my essay used the proper format of referencing to a T and whether or not my essay met the word count was, in my opinion, a touch 'too much'.

If I could articulate myself sufficient and present an argument in 500 words, why do I HAVE to submit an assignment with 2000 words?

Am I supposed to 'pad things up' by waffling on?

I understand why these guidelines are in place.

It would have made sense if I was working for a corporation that required deliverables to a similar standard.

It would have made sense if my aim was to learn how to write and discuss things in a structured manner.

But since my aim was to have a bit of fun while increasing my knowledge in the subject matter, the strict structure of the deliverables annoyed me.

And it made me come to a realization that while going back to 'school' was an attractive option, it is very likely that that season in my life was over.

I would always be a fan of continual education, but formal education that takes place in an institution with strict learning structures and deliverables were not for me anymore (at least, not in this season).

But realizing it is one thing.

Having the courage to cut it out and remove it from my plate is another.

I'm still summoning the courage to fill in my withdrawal papers.

Particularly since I have invested time and money into applying and enrolling for the program; some of which will be forfeited to cover the administration costs incurred by the institution.

But then I spoke to a wise mentor of mine who told me this: the way to make a difference is to subtract.

In mathematics, the difference between two numbers is calculated by subtraction; not addition.

It's only by removing things, by narrowing down, by funneling, that we can make a difference.

And so, to make a difference in my life, I'm going to need to cut this out.

I have until the end of next week to apply for a withdrawal.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue praying about it and sleep on it. Not so that I can change my mind.

But so that I can come to peace with the decision and myself before I take the step.

The last thing I want to do is make the decision without peace, and be filled with regret.

The next week is going to be interesting.

Watch this space.